wrigley field is MILF paradise
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
