yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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