A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
