im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
