we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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