I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
