Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
