I hate all girls vehemently.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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