At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
did you just send me my own nude
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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