i think my tv is drunk
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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