I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
