Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
