Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
