Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
