nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
