also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
