i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
