why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
