Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
