FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
