then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
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Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
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Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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