apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
