pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
