we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
A+ Viking dick
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
