Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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