whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
