ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
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Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
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She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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