it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
