Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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