Moan for me like Helen Keller
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
