I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
