You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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