Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
