She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
