i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
