I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
is it fun? or sober?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
