matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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