Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
