I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
