"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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