it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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