Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
