I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
