you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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