I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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