why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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