I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
