yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
