I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
