Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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