i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
