wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
