i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
