When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
