I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
zippers are such a cool invention
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
