He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
