and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
