I can't breathe out the right side of my face
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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