Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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