I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
