Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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