I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
