Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
