Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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