i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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