They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
