It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
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I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
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Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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