Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
