Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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