I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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