im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
