dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
