he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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