Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
