Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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